A Zelda Christmas
by Video Game Fanatic
Summary: Part Six's finally up! A humorous little piece of work showing how the people of Hyrule celebrate Christmas.
1. Hylians' Christmas

I know that Christmas was yesterday, but I still want to write a Zelda Christmas Fic. Okay, here goes.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Zelda. I don't own Christmas. I don't own anything.  
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(It's Christmas morning, and a reporter stands in front of Hyrule Castle. He grins to a camera and snow falls all around.)  
  
REPORTER: Here we are folks, just outside the Hyrule Castle. Christmas is supposedly being celebrated inside. Let's check it out.  
  
(The reporter steps in front of a large, glass window. The camera follows, going to an angle that the audience can see inside from.)  
  
REPORTER: Here we can plainy see the Princess and King, along with some friends and guests, around the Christmas tree. They are apparently opening gifts, and they are still wearing their pajamas.  
  
(As we watch, we see Princess Zelda upwrap a large, blue quilt from her mother. Zelda then hands a gift to Link. He blushes a little as he hands one to Zelda. They both open their gifts; Link gets a new shield, and Zelda a Goron Bracelet. They thank each other, but we can't hear them through the glass window.)  
  
REPORTER: Aw, how sweet. As you can see, the Christmas spirit is alive in the castle. I can bet that they are going to have a large Christmas feast in only hours.  
  
(Princess Zelda looks up and points at the reporter. The King also looks up at him, then whispers something to the head guard, who was unwrapping a large teddy bear. The guard gets up and leaves.)  
  
REPORTER: Let's watch some more as they finish unwrapping their presents.  
  
HEAD GUARD: Hey, what are you doing on the castle grounds?  
  
(The head guard and a small group of his troops stand a little way down the grounds. They are looking at the reporter and the cameraman with murderous looks.)  
  
REPORTER: Oh, we're just doing a television special on Christmas in Hyrule.  
  
HEAD GUARD: (Scratches his head) Television? That's not something I'm familiar with. Either way, you're an intruder. I have to escort you off the grounds.  
  
(The reporter and camera man run away, with the guards chasing them closely. Once they are in the Hyrule Castle Town, they stop.)  
  
REPORTER: Well, here we are in the town. As you can see, the fountain in the center of the town has been replaced with a large Christmas Tree. I think the locals are going to sing, judging by the way they are circled around the tree.  
  
(It looks like "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" with all the townspeople around the tree, holding hands. However, they don't sing. A tall, bearded man walked in front of the crowd with a microphone.)  
  
MAN: It's time to hand out presents!  
  
TOWNSPEOPLE: Yay! Presents! Presents! (They chant that over and over)  
  
REPORTER: Well, I guess they aren't going to sing after all. Let's watch their Christmas gift handing out ritual.  
  
MAN: (Picks up a gift and holds it above his head) Who wants this one?  
  
RANDOM WOMAN: I do! I do! Give it here!  
  
MAN: (Throws the gift and nails Random Woman. He then picks up another.) How about this one?  
  
REPORTER: I want it!  
  
MAN: Okay. (He nails Reporter's head with it, knocking him out cold. The cameraman recieves the next one, and then drags the Reporter out of the town.)  
  
(Once the reporter wakes up, he stands up, brushes himself off, and grins to the camera once more.)  
  
REPORTER: Okay, I think we've had enough of Hylian Christmases. Tune in about an hour from now when we discover the secret behind the Zora's Christmas. See ya then!  
  
(The camera fades and we hear the Reporter flagging down a taxi horse to Zora's Domain.)  
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Okay, there's part one. I'll write a part for the Zora's Christmas later, followed by Christmases for the Kokiri, Gorons and Gerudos. 


	2. Zoras' Christmas

Here we go again. The Reporter has now arrived in Zora's Domain. Let's just get this over with. I'm not doing a disclaimer because you should know it by now.  
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REPORTER: Here we are, outside the entrance to Zora's domain. As you can see, there is a light snowfall. I wish we could get inside to see the action. Too bad this waterfall's blocking the entrance!  
  
(The camera focuses in on the entrance, hidden behind the fast-flowing waterfall. Suddenly, it stops flowing and a small bridge extends. Two slightly drunk Zora's exit and walk past the Reporter and cameraman, who promptly sneak in.)  
  
REPORTER: That was handled nicely. Well, we can see that the Zora's, too, have a Christmas tree.  
  
(The camera turns to focus on a large platform in the water that holds a giant Christmas tree. It's not decorated with lights though. Instead, it holds festive--)  
  
REPORTER: Are those fish heads on the tree?!  
  
(Two Zora's walk by, both wearing long Santa caps on their head fins. They stop talking as they spot the Reporter and glare as they finish walking by.)  
  
REPORTER: Well, the locals sure are festive! Let's go see King Zora and see if he can tell us anything about their way of celebrating this holiday.  
  
(They follow the path up to King Zora's Chamber to find the king asleep.)  
  
REPORTER: For crying out loud! Can someone wake him up? We're live, you know!  
  
(A Zora pokes King Zora with a stick, but the fish king just pushes it away and continues snoring. Ruto enters from the Zora Fountain and giggles when she sees the camera.)  
  
RUTO: Oh, wow. What are you guys doing here? Can I say something to the camera.  
  
REPORTER: Yeah. You can tell me how Zora's celebrate Christmas.  
  
RUTO: (Her eyes brighten and she blushes slightly) We give gifts to our loved ones. Very special gifts. I have one here for my fiance. (She pulls a large, brightly decorated box from behind her back) I can't wait to give it to him!  
  
(Ruto giggles some more. Link enters, looking slightly confused. The cameraman swivles around to better see Link.)  
  
LINK: You wanted me to come see you, Ruto?  
  
RUTO: (She breathes a little hard, then snaps out of it. She blushes and talks in a sickly-sweet voice) Oh, Link. I'm so happy you came! I got you a Christmas present, and I couldn't wait to give it to you!  
  
(Ruto gives Link the present. He smiles cheesily and opens the gift slowly and carefully.)  
  
LINK: Oh, thanks, Ruto. I've always wanted a... a.... What is it?  
  
RUTO: Why it's a sapphire, silly. It symbolises our togetherness!   
  
LINK: I knew that. Uh, thanks, I guess.  
  
RUTO: (Hugs Link) I'm glad you like it. Now, where's my present?  
  
LINK: You're present?  
  
RUTO: Yeah. You did get me a present, right?  
  
LINK: Of course! I got you...(He looks around for something) I got you.... A FISH! (He leans down and pulls up a fish from the water) Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it.  
  
RUTO: (Takes the fish and looks really happy) Oh, Link! This is so sweet! (She kisses his cheek) Merry Christmas!  
  
REPORTER: Eew. I hate mushy stuff! Well, I think we've had enough of Zoran Christmas. Tune in later as we cover Christmas for Gorons!  
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That's all for the Zora's Christmas! I'll write the Goron one later. 


	3. Gorons' Christmas

Here we go with the Gorons!   
  
DISCLAIMER: Don't you know it by now?  
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(The reporter and cameraman are outside the Goron Village on Death Mountain.)  
  
REPORTER: We finally made it to the Goron Village! Good thing I stole that gift tag that Zelda signed from Link. I don't think that guard would've let us up otherwise. Well, now it's time to go in!  
  
(They enter the village to find not a Christmas tree, but instead a large rock with little bombs set all around it.)  
  
REPORTER: There you have it, a Goron Christmas tree. That's what you use when trees don't grow in your area!  
  
(They go down some passages until they are level with the Gorons who have gathered around their 'tree')  
  
REPORTER: Excuse me, sir? Could you tell me something about the Christmas traditions of your people?  
  
GORON: I'm a girl Goron.  
  
REPORTER: Really? How do you tell?  
  
GORON: (Whispers something into the Reporter's ear.) That's how.  
  
REPORTER: Uh, thank you for that information. Anyway, what about those traditions?  
  
GORON: We light the bombs at noon exactly and scatter before the rock blows up.  
  
REPORTER: Is that all?  
  
GORON: Yes. Hey, it's almost noon!  
  
ALL GORONS: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... IT'S NOON!  
  
REPORTER: Wait, it's noon!  
  
(Two Gorons get up on two ladders and begin lighting the bombs. Once they are all lit, the Gorons start to run away.)  
  
REPORTER: Aaaah! The bombs are going to go off in seconds! How's that for an intense Christmas tradition?  
  
CAMERA MAN: Um, do you think we should run away screaming?  
  
REPORTER: Of course!  
  
(They both turn and run into Darunia's chamber, screaming really loudy. Darunia looks at them questioningly as they enter.)  
  
DARUNIA: Who are you?  
  
REPORTER: Oh, we're doing a television special on the Christmas traditions of the people of Hyrule. Do you care to comment on any Goron ones?  
  
DARUNIA: The only way we celebrate Christmas is by blowing up our annual Christmas Rock. It goes off at-(Darunia is interrupted by a huge BOOOOOOOOOOOOM.) Oh, there it goes. Too bad I missed it.  
  
REPORTER: Do any Gorons ever get hurt with this tradition?  
  
DARUNIA: Yeah, we usually have a casualty or two.  
  
REPORTER: Seriously?  
  
DARUNIA: Well, some Gorons aren't smart enough to run away on time.  
  
REPORTER: Oh. Well, then. I think we'll be leaving since you're done celebrating Christmas.  
  
DARUNIA: Come back and visit anytime!  
  
REPORTER: Join us again later as we uncover the secrets of the Kokiri Christmas!  
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Like he said, I'll write the Kokiri Christmas section later. 


	4. Kokiris' Christmas

More Christmas madness now. Now our beloved Reporter has reached the Kokiri Forest.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Shouldn't you know this by now?  
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REPORTER: Don't tell anyone I'm here! Humans aren't allowed inside the Kokiri Forest, but I got in illegaly.  
  
CAMERA MAN: Then, shouldn't we leave?  
  
REPORTER: You're kidding, right? Why should we leave if we're already here? I want to do a special on the Kokiri Christmas, and this is the only way to do it.  
  
(They are walking through the Kokiri Village, heading towards the Deku Tree Meadow.)  
  
REPORTER: All the Kokiri are supposedly having a celebration in the meadow with their protector and creator, the Deku Tree.  
  
(They sneak into the meadow and sit behind some bushes. All the Kokiri are milling around their leader.)  
  
DEKU TREE: Okay, everyone, let's hold hands and form a circle around me!  
  
REPORTER: (in an undertone) This is starting to sound Barneyish.  
  
DEKU TREE: Well, let's start singing!  
  
CAMERA MAN: Singing?!  
  
ALL KOKIRI: (Singing to the Barney song)  
We love the Deku Tree  
He loves us  
We're a happy colony  
With a hoard of gifts  
One from me to you  
Won't you say you love us too?  
  
REPORTER: That was very Barneyish. I never realized that the Kokiri were so childish.  
  
CAMERA MAN: Well, they all are children.  
  
REPORTER: But they all look to be at least nine or ten.  
  
CAMERA MAN: ....  
  
DEKU TREE: Now it's time to hand out presents!  
  
ALL KOKIRI: Yipeeeee!  
  
DEKU TREE: Okay, then. Here we go!  
  
(A ton of gifts blow out of the top of the Deku Tree's head. They fall to the ground around the Kokiri.)  
  
ALL KOKIRI: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!  
  
REPORTER: (As the Kokiri begin to open their gifts) Ookaaay. That was a little... different. Perhaps we should get going and leave the Kokiri to their business.  
  
(The Reporter and Camera Man disappear into the shadows.)  
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Okay, that was pretty short. Sorry, it's eleven-thirty at night, so cut me some slack. I'll write about the Gerudo tomorrow, and I'm considering writing about the Subrosians. 


	5. Gerudos' Christmas

Sorry it took so long to continue this Christmasy thing. Been busy. Finally, here come the Gerudo.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Why don't you tell me this time? I'm sure you know it by now.  
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(The camera is surprisingly close to the reporter, showing only his face.)  
  
REPORTER: Here we are at the Gerudo Valley. These nice, young ladies have decided to let us into their usually forbidden hide-away in Christmas spirits.  
  
GERUDO: (Sticks her head into the camera's view) Yeah, we just love to have male visitors on Christmas.  
  
REPORTER: And that's why I'm tied to this chair, right?  
  
(The camera backs up to show that the reporter is tied down firmly to a chair. Next to him lies a very scrawny Christmas Tree that is very poorly decorated.)  
  
GERUDO: We didn't want you to escape. You look very good, you know. (She sits down on his lap.) We rarely get male visitors. Perhaps it's because we kill most of the ones that stray in here, but that doesn't mean we'll kill everyone.  
  
REPORTER: You know, I would like to keep this rating down to at least PG.  
  
GERUDO: (Humphs and jumps off his lap) Fine, have it your way. (In a sweet voice) If you are ever in the area again, though, you'll know where to find me.  
  
REPORTER:(Sweats) Anyway, I think it's about time we started exploring the Gerudo Christmas a little more. I see there's no presents under this... tree. Can anyone explain that?  
  
GERUDO 2: Well, it's customary to have no gifts. We do give gifts to the Gerudo King, though, in hopes that he will....  
  
REPORTER: Sorry to censor you, but this is not going to go that far. We're keeping this rated PG!  
  
GERUDO 2: (Totally blows off the Reporter's last words) I think I have a gift for you somewhere.  
  
GERUDO 3: I have a better one!  
  
(All the Gerudos try to win over the Reporter with gifts, the camera man tries to make their way over to the door.)  
  
REPORTER: I'm sorry ladies, but I think you should let me go. I'm not here to get into relationships.  
  
(The Gerudos get a little upset, and one shoves her sword in the Reporters face.)  
  
GERUDO 4: Are you sure about that?  
  
REPORTER: (Gulps hardly) Yes.  
  
(The Gerudos form a tight circle and talk for a few minutes)  
  
GERUDO 2: We don't think you should leave just yet.  
  
GERUDO: Yeah, I want to give you my gift first.  
  
(The Gerudos swarm the Reporter, who's still tied down to the chair, and each tries to get them to open their gift. Finally, he grabs one in his mouth and the Gerudos back away. Looking at the gift, we see it's wrapped in some kind of leathery brown paper.)  
  
GERUDO 5: (Jumps up and down happily) Yay! He chose mine! He likes me best!  
  
REPORTER: (Opens his mouth and allows the present to drop onto his lap) Um, my arms are kind of tied down. Do you think you could untie them so I could open this?  
  
(All the Gerudo look at him angrily, but Gerudo 5 jumps up and unties him immediately.)  
  
REPORTER: Uh, thank you. (He reaches down to open the gift)  
  
GERUDO 5: You're going to love it!  
  
REPORTER: (Takes the lid off the box that he unwrapped, then lifts out the contents) Eew, what is this?  
  
GERUDO 5: Why, it's a dried dead Leever!  
  
(The camera zooms in on it, revealing that it really is that. It's green skin looks almost brown and it's shrunken to become as big as the Reporter's palm.)  
  
REPORTER: Uh, thank you. I'm sure I'll find some use for it.  
  
GERUDO 5: Duh! It's a LEEVER! You know, the ultimate symbol of true love! Everyone wants a leever for Christmas, don't they?  
  
REPORTER: Oh, yes, of course. Now I remember. (He drops the Leever back in the box) Uh, does anyone want to let me go now, or do I have to open all of your gifts?  
  
(All the Gerudos pull apart their similarly-wrapped gifts to reveal that they had all chosen the exact same thing.)  
  
REPORTER: Oh. You all give Leevers. Uh, I really have to get going now.  
  
GERUDO 3: Wait a second, you have to choose which gift you like the best.  
  
REPORTER: (We can see his hands quickly untying the ropes behind the chair) How can I choose? You all gave me the same, er, wonderful thing!  
  
GERUDO 4: You can't choose all of us! You're supposed to favor only one!  
  
REPORTER: (Is finally loose) Really? Well, then, I choose... (Hops up and begins to run) Neither of you!  
  
(The Reporter and the Camera Man run away from the Gerudos as fast as they can. Angrily, they begin to shoot arrows at the escaping men.)  
  
REPORTER: (Dodges an arrow and turns to face the still-filming camera) There you have it folks, a Gerudo Christmas. Join us later when we uncover the secrets behind the celebrations performed by the Subrosians! 


	6. Subrosians' Christmas

Crap, I forgot all about fanfiction.net. I really suppose I ought to continue this.  
  
Disclaimer: Same as the five times before now.  
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(We join the reporter in Subrosia, where he is surrounded by several Subrosians.)  
  
REPORTER: Well, we finally made it into Subrosia. I'm surprised it's still Christmas Day, we had quite a lot of trouble finding this place.  
  
SUBROSIAN: That's because we normally don't like outsiders in here.  
  
REPORTER: Ah, that would explain why the entrance was hidden so well.  
  
SUBROSIAN 2: Don't you know how to take a hint? We don't want you here. We don't like outsiders.  
  
REPORTER: Oh, no. I'm not leaving until I know how you guys celebrate Christmas.  
  
SUBROSIAN 3: (Looks at the Reporter thoughtfully) I suppose we could show you something of what we do here. Do you have anything valuable on you?  
  
REPORTER: Of course. Let's see.... (He digs around in his pockets) I have the signature of the one and only Princess Zelda (Holds up the Gift Tag used in Chapter Three), and here's a... dried leever (Pulls out one from his pocket. The stench from it makes him hold his nose). I think I have something else here somewhere.... Oh, yeah, the Camera Man found a weird-looking bow back there. (Holds up the large bow, which is covered in dirt)  
  
CAMERA MAN: Why is that valuable? It looked like a piece of garbage to me.  
  
SUBROSIAN 2: It's very valuable. I'll just take that bow from you...  
  
SUBROSIAN 4: Wait! I'm taking it!  
  
(Subrosians 2 and 4 get into a fight, punching each other somehow with their robes)  
  
SUBROSIAN 3: I'll take everything but the bow. (Somehow take the Gift Tag and Dried Leever, then runs away quickly)  
  
REPORTER: Hey, wait! Where do you think you're going?  
  
(The reporter tosses the bow behind his back and runs after Subrosian 3. Subrosians 2 and 4 forget fighting and each try to catch the bow, but it lands in the hands of...)  
  
CAMERA MAN: Link! What are you doing here?  
  
LINK: Isn't this Rosa's bow?  
  
SUBROSIAN 2: Why, yes. Yes it is. And we were waiting for you to get here so you could give it to her. She lost it this morning and those creepy people (Points at the Camera Man, then glances around for the Reporter, but can't find him) found it.  
  
LINK: Don't I recognize you?  
  
CAMERA MAN: I'm thinking you should. We've seen you a couple times today.  
  
LINK: Oh, yeah. Now I remember. You're those creeps who were sneaking around in the Castle Grounds this morning.  
  
CAMERA MAN: Yep. That would be us. Do you know anything about the Subrosian Christmas? The Reporter was trying to get some information out of these guys, but all they did was steal his stuff.  
  
LINK: Yeah, that's what they do. They take stuff from each other and hide it. Well, the guys at least. Girls like to drop stuff and see who is courteous enough to return it. I'm going to take this bow back to Rosa, do you want to come?  
  
CAMERA MAN: (Points the camera in the direction that the Reporter ran off in. There's no sign of him or Subrosian 3) Sure, I'll come.  
  
(They both head south to the beach, where Rosa is sitting and practicing her singing.)  
  
CAMERA MAN: Wow, her voice sends chills down my spine!  
  
LINK: She's that bad?  
  
CAMERA MAN: No, that's a good thing. It means it's a nice voice.  
  
LINK: Oh. (Holds up the bow) Oy, Rosa! Look what I found!  
  
ROSA: (Stops singing and looks furiously in their direction.) Who dares to interrupt me?! Wait, it's you Link! I was hoping you'd make it! And you found my bow! What a wondrous Christmas present! (Takes the bow happily and places it back on). I do hope you shall excuse me if I don't participate in my end of the tradition. I'm not good at the whole hiding your precious possessions thing.  
  
LINK: It's fine, really. I had enough fun last time when I had to hunt for my Roc's Feather.  
  
ROSA: Why don't I sing for you instead?  
  
LINK: Uh, okay.  
  
(Rosa sings them a song in the Subrosian language, and neither of them can understand it. When she finishes she takes a bow.)  
  
ROSA: Thank you for being such a wonderful audience! Normally I am interrupted by--  
  
REPORTER: There you guys are! (The camera swivels around to show the Reporter marching angrily towards them) I have been searching this entire world for you! I was starting to think you had ditched me and gone back to Holodrum!  
  
CAMERA MAN: Oh, I was just showing the people what Subrosians do for Christmas.  
  
REPORTER: Why didn't you just follow me? I could have shown you how stressful it would be to live here. That stupid Subrosian hid my stuff under an extremely heavy rock. I didn't want the Leever back, but the gift tag.... (Falls silent, noticing Link)  
  
CAMERA MAN: You got half the experience. We found out what the Subrosian women do.   
  
REPORTER: Really? How do you tell the difference?  
  
CAMERA MAN: You sure you want to ask that again?  
  
REPORTER: Oh, yeah. Well, anyway, join us later when we return to Hyrule to visit the Lon Lon Ranch! 


End file.
